The Remorse (Story)

It was the probably the month of Poush. A boy called Shree was staying at his home during the preparation leave for his Pre-HSEB exams. He was in grade 11 at that time. After studying for a long time, he had become bored. Hence, he decided to go online on Facebook and check out some updates from his friends and other sources. He had just gone online when he found an old friend online in his friend list. It was Lochan, Shree’s crush. Shree had studied together with her till grade 8. Then she had left for a new school.

Lochan was a beautiful, kind-hearted and friendly girl. She was good in her studies. Shree had joined that school (where she was studying) from grade 7. It was Shree’s first day at school when he saw Lochan for the first time and immediately felt ‘something’. He couldn’t understand what he was actually feeling since he was still very young to understand that feeling. He just used to see her most of the time. He used to be unable to spend a single day properly without seeing Lochan’s face. Days went by and both of them reached grade 8. That was the time when Shree finally realized that he had begun to like Lochan. He finally came to know that he had a crush on Lochan. But he was quite nervous to express his feelings in front of Lochan since he hadn’t even approached her or talked to her before. And he was not confident too because he had the thought that he wasn’t a good looking guy; so he didn’t deserve her.

It was probably the Second Terminal Examination of grade 8 when both of them were kept near to each other in the examination hall. Shree was sitting just in front of Lochan. Since both of them were together, it was obvious that some communication would take place during the examination, and the same thing happened. Lochan started the communication with Shree when she came to face some problems while answering the questions. Shree was shocked. For some moments, he became speechless since his very own crush was talking to him. However, he controlled himself and helped her out. That day, his happiness had no boundaries. He was very glad that he got a chance to not only talk to his crush, but also to help her out. As night came by, Shree began to think about Lochan more and more. He had been thinking about her all day and still couldn’t get her thoughts out of his mind even at night. As a result, he dreamt of proposing her. As soon as he proposed her in the dream, he woke up. Finally, that night, he decided to propose her on the next day. Shree couldn’t even wait for that night to go away.

As soon as Shree’s restless night ended along with the arrival of a new day, Shree rushed to his school and went to his examination hall before time. There, he waited for Lochan to arrive. Shree was very much confident and ready to express his feelings in front of Lochan. But Shree’s confidence immediately diminished to the lowest level when he saw Lochan coming in front of him. As a result, Shree became nervous and he became unsuccessful to speak up in front of her.

After this incident, Shree couldn’t rebuild his confidence to present what he thought about Lochan, in front of her. All he could do was just look at her every day and see her activities in the classroom. Because of his shy nature, Shree hadn’t even been able to confess this in front of his friends. Therefore, he could never tell Lochan the fact. Gradually, the days passed and they reached grade 9.

It was the first day of grade 9 when Shree came to know that Lochan, who was his crush, was going to leave that school and move to a new school for her studies. The next day, Lochan didn’t come to school. This made Shree very much sad. This event turned his world upside down. He couldn’t even eat properly; nor could he sleep; nor could he do anything else. He became totally inactive and depressed for many days. But he realized that staying like that was of no use. He became aware of the consequences he may be led to if he remained the same. Hence, he moved on. He even tried to forget her, but couldn’t. So, he had continued his life along with her memories until that day when he found her online.

Losing his patience, Shree immediately started a chat with Lochan. This time also, his happiness had no limits. On that very day, Lochan stated that she had a problem. Since Shree used to love her, he couldn’t stay without helping her out. Hence, they talked to each other on phone. Shree found out that Lochan was already in a relationship, but she was being ignored by her boyfriend. This made Shree very sad. The worst part was that Shree was also already in a relationship with another girl. But Shree’s relationship wasn’t true with that girl. Shree was not even happy with the relationship that he had because he was also not getting proper attention from her girlfriend. Hence, both of them had the same problem. However, Shree kept all these things aside and enjoyed his life. Slowly, Lochan and Shree began to be close to each other. They turned out to be best friends who used to have talks through phone and chat. They even decided to meet on Baisakh 1st, on the occasion of New Year.

One day, Lochan thought of deciding the fate of the relationship that she was in. So, she asked for some suggestions from Shree regarding this issue. Shree suggested Lochan to think of it thoroughly and take proper decision. He also advised her to do what could make her happy, as every friend would suggest his/her friend. Hence, Lochan decided to finally dump the guy who was ignoring her. Later, Shree also came to face problems in his relationship and he also finally ended his relationship. Then, both Lochan and Shree became free of relationships.

After some time, Shree began to remember his feelings for Lochan. In the past, Lochan wasn’t even near to him, but now she was very much close to him. This made his feelings uncontrollable and finally Shree confessed his feelings to Lochan. Lochan, who came to know about this lately, was very much shocked. She didn’t know what to do and what not to do. On one side, she really wanted to hook up but on the other side, their relationship was intercaste and hence she was very much scared. Shree belonged to a pure Newar family whereas Lochan was from a Chhetri family. Lochan, whose family was very much strict in caste related issues, was clueless. So, she decided to take some time before saying anything. Again, Shree’s restless times started and he began to become impatient. Shree began to convince Lochan for accepting the relationship. He impressed Lochan with his great thoughts of changing the society and doing exemplary works for bringing the wave of modernization in the traditional society. Shree even stated that his family didn’t have any problem in accepting a Chhetri girl as their daughter-in-law. However, this was not totally true since there were some hesitations in Shree’s family to accept this relationship. In brief, it can be said that Shree was doing his best to get Lochan, who was the love of his life.

They had a plan to meet on Baisakh 1st, so they decided to pay attention towards it rather than just talking about the proposal. Shree was not being able to wait for that day and when that day came, he immediately made a phone call to Lochan. But Baisakh 1st wasn’t the day when they finally met. Some urgent works came towards Lochan and hence they shifted it to Baisakh 2nd. But, both of them felt very difficult to spend the day of Baisakh 1st since they had no more patience to wait to meet each other. Both of them were restless. Finally, after having a lot of patience, the day of Baisakh 2nd came. It was the day when they were seeing each other after about two years. They were very happy. In the beginning, they felt quite shy but later on, they enjoyed a lot. They went to different places and talked a lot. They talked about their past events and their school life. They also made their memories fresh by talking about their traits when they used to be at school. They also talked about their current school where they had been going for getting higher level studies. They spent the whole day like that and that day became one of the most memorable days of their lives.

That night, Shree made a phone call to Lochan just to have a talk about the day they had spent together. They had talked for hours when Lochan suddenly stated that she was finally in love with Shree. Shree became so happy by hearing this that he even fell off his bed. Both of them planned to create an example in the society by starting and continuing an intercaste relationship. They even dreamt of marrying each other and living together.

Days passed by, and it was more than 1.5 years since Lochan and Shree had been in a relationship. They were very happy with each other until Shree confessed something to Lochan. Shree confessed to Lochan that he wouldn’t be able to continue the relationship anymore because of the pressure of his family (which stated no problem in the past with the relationship). He had been holding that pain in his heart for a long time since he couldn’t manage enough courage to confess this to Lochan. He was very much nervous. His mind was totally blank. He was not even being able to think of a proper decision. He was being very much forced to end it up. He even thought of the future. He thought, “What if something wrong happens with me tomorrow and Lochan has to struggle alone? What if my family leaves her alone? What if Lochan’s own family also doesn’t accept her?” This made him weak and his power of struggling diminished. He forgot all the plans made in the past. So, unwantedly he asked Lochan for ending up the relationship. Poor Lochan couldn’t control her emotions and decided to stay away from Shree. It was obvious that Lochan would treat Shree’s decision as a selfish one. There was nothing she could do except ignoring Shree.

On the other side, Shree was also not being able to control himself. Since the reason of the breakup seemed to be of a selfish one, he even lost his two close friends. He became totally alone. There was no one with him, nothing with him. There were times when he even became quite egoist. He even created a thought of not caring about Lochan anymore, but he couldn’t. It was because of the true and sacred love that existed between them. This made him realize his mistake. The loneliness made him notice the wrong step that he had taken in a hurry. At least he could have waited for some more time before taking that decision. He had enough time to even console his family. Today he’s burning in the fire of remorse. A guy who had the great plan to change the society had to change himself. He had to sacrifice his own love just because he couldn’t maintain his courage to the same level that he had in the past. Now, there was nothing he could do but regret.

Today, though he is regretting, he hasn’t lost hope. He is having full belief on the statement, “True love always wins.” He’s again trying to get Lochan back. He is trying is best to console Lochan and win her faith towards him back. He is doing his best to make everything fine with his best efforts.
Let’s pray that everything turns fine in their life.
Let’s pray that their life turns into a happier one again.
Let’s pray that their hearts get connected again.
Let’s pray that they create an example in the society by going against the traditional beliefs of the society and its people.

credit final